A Fragile Balance
Ramesha Ali
I can’t help but realize that medicine, for me, has truly been the most fragile balance between humanity and inhumanity. I didn’t enter medical school with this revelation, but I will certainly be finishing with it.
As healthcare providers, there is immense pleasure and reward in the service we are so privileged to provide. To be privy to someone’s most vulnerable moments, be present during their victories against disease, and to help them in their journey to well-being, is nothing short of remarkable. It is an experience we get to relive every day, and it is certainly where I find the humanity in our work. The pressure and high stakes of this position are also undeniable and certainly not easy to digest. Although many healthcare providers may relate, I will delve only into my own struggles as a medical student and young trainee. This is where I have glimpsed the inhumane aspect of medicine, which appears fleetingly and at times I am being tested. It is found when immunity to ill-health has failed me, or when I simply doubt my capabilities to gracefully carry out the services I am dedicating myself to. These are the times when I find medicine unrelenting and personally unforgiving.
It is hard to take time off during difficult days when they are leading up to an assessment, which are certainly not few in number during medical school. It is hard to maintain doctors’ appointments and timely refill prescriptions when away on rural clerkships for weeks at a time. It is especially difficult to admit that you are failing at the things you work so hard to help others alleviate. We welcome vulnerabilities in patients, but we don’t give ourselves the same liberty for fear of appearing incompetent or simply incapable of keeping up with the rigorous demands of medical education.
Over the years, the time and importance placed on my own well-being has certainly dwindled. And although this realization has certainly inspired me to rebuild it, it is a conscious process every day.
Ramesha Ali is a fourth-year medical student at the University College Cork, in Cork, Ireland.