Greetings from the NICU

your fingers have been pulled apart by a team of surgeons.

they left you with scars and titanium which is more than i could do.

you’re still made up of little wires, and veins, and metal knots. such a tiny machine! you are a little cyborg,

metal behind a curtain of skin. your hands still move like mittens though.

your soft lips and fingers are islands now. i make full use of your perspective

to understand my own struggle. you can hold my hand now,

or at the very least my finger. your body is a beautiful bird of prey.

everyone on earth wants to know how you came to be.

i say, he is an unstoppable rose. the problem today

is that the little balloon inside your lungs is hurting you again.

everything about you is affected: except your spinal cord and your blood.

and maybe your kidneys too. even the gel inside your brain is melted.

the tubes in your nose come out quickly and go back in just as quick.

that’s how things happen in the NICU: quickly.

like how the pure tones of your skin melt into a beige grey.

i read articles about faulty lungs and faulty brains, and finally,

about faulty love while you sleep. i wonder whose fault it is.

the dark nights in the NICU give me lots of room to wonder.

your whole life seems very lonely. i love you very much

and that puts a lot of pressure on me. little bear,

my stomach hurts because i’m in despair but the endless lines

on your monitors bring me happiness. i sit beside your bed

and think of the spastic nature of love in my life.

i like how your little wire mouth looks like a forest,

though it’s hurting your throat. your throat hurts, your head hurts, your

lungs are as brown as a tree. the longer you can’t breathe,

the further the damage.

a broken stump for a spinal cord. medicine is misleading

and unethical sometimes. but its care for the world is truly amazing.

please, be brave, little bear.

Ellie is a third year medical student at the University of Michigan, interested in pursuing residency in either pediatrics or family medicine. In her free time, she loves to read and write poetry.